AD6

HELLO

160 odd hours dry.

Wobbly morning again, head still full of clouds but in general not too bad. 

Some family still here for the day today so had a walk into town for a coffee and a look at the sights, we also visited Beerhouse. We were passing so we thought we`d give it a go. Glass of lemonade sitting outside, not too bad. Strange feeling being in there even briefly but great to say hello to a few friends and Brad the barman. Brad has been there since pretty much day one so always great to have a proper catch up. Coming away sober was a very strange feeling indeed.

Barbecue leftovers for tea then fond farewell as the last stragglers depart for home. 

That`s three big achievements in two days. A big family do, a barbecue and a visit to Beerhouse all completely sober. As much as I know it to be utter bollocks my mind still tells me I would have had so much more fun at each occasion with a skinful of beer. 

I think the pub visit may have been a little too soon, the smell as soon as I entered stirred far too many memories, looking at the choice of beers available I promptly decided that I should try at least one of each (of course didn`t). I think if I had been on my own in a strange pub that would have been it. Common sense now tells me to avoid as many alcohol vendors as humanly possible for the time being. At least I know I can be comfortable in social situations where there is no alcohol present.

As this blog reaches out further and to more people I receive more and more comments here and also direct messages on Facebook. The majority are lovely words of encouragement from people who have been or are in a similar position. But….I have also been receiving a few very negative messages. “You think you have a problem,” “Stop whinging and get on with it” Seem to be fairly common. Another common one is asking for facts and figures on my alcohol intake in the past. This is irrelevant, no matter how large or small your intake is if it has a negative impact on your life or the lives of others around you there is a problem. Luckily I have fairly thick skin and wont rise to the goading of the keyboard warrior. 

Whilst on the subject of messages I have had a few from people who have had to deal with addiction from the other side. Tomorrow I intend to try to write something about a couple of these. If I get it right it could be interesting reading. If you have a story about living with an addict, be it drugs, alcohol, food or any other subject that you think could be useful to others please feel free to share in the comments or email to jonmpollard@googlemail.com.

Anyway, I`m knackered after such a busy two days and full of beef, chicken and sweet fizzy soft drinks so I must now go and try to sleep. Wish me luck.

AD5

HELLO

Well what a lovely day.

I`ll skip the boring morning details, pretty much the same as yesterday. Woke up to the smell of a chunk of beef that had been cooking for 8 hours. If that’s not a reason to get up then I don’t know what is. Threw myself 100% into preparing food for our family do, found chopping has to be executed with the utmost care as the shakes make knife work a little unpredictable. Still suffering with the short attention span, had to do a little work then wander off round the garden or have a sit down for a while to stop the mind from wandering. Still, somehow managed to produce a huge bowl of homemade slaw, a tropical fruit and veg salsa, and some amazing pulled beef. In fact, here’s a picture of some of it all on a homemade roll.

My idea of a second blog to run alongside this for stories from people who have had to deal with addiction of any sort from the other side seems to be gaining a little momentum. Some ideas coming in via facebook, I may try to start this next week. Be interesting to see some opinions from people who have had to live with an addict. If you wish to leave a comment on here for this second blog idea or message me on facebook please feel free. Please bear in my mind I am trying to keep this all fairly upbeat and positive, to show there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how faint.

This week so far has been made so much easier by the support from so many friends who offered to give up something for the week as a mark of support. If any of you would like to share a few words about your experience and allow me to put it on here it would make very interesting reading I think.
Here’s one facebook post that really touched me this week from Gail, one of the “abstainers”

Comments on here seem to be working ok now, if you are one of the folk on Facebook that mentioned that you couldn’t post please try again.

Managed to get right through past 7 o’clock tonight before I even thought about a drink, keeping busy is definitely the answer. Tomorrow my meds drop again, so we`ll have see how that goes. 

AD4

HELLO

Very shaky day today physically but slightly better mentally. Managed to go into Harborough on my own to meet a friend for a coffee. Stuart will be a valuable ally going forward as he is, and almost always has been tee-total. 

The urge for a drink has been fairly strong for most of the day today, so thrown myself into some cooking again. Two loaves of bread for the weekend and a chilli chutney hot enough to provide sufficient energy to power a small town for a week.  

The urges today have given me an idea of how things will be going forward. Its always there at the back of my mind, just have to make sure it stays at the back. I need to get more defence mechanisms in place or my cake and bread mountain will only be scalable by Ranulph Fiennes.

Big nerves about the family do tomorrow. Mid-afternoon into early evening. A few family members I have not met before causing a little anxiety at the thought of no alcoholic crutch to support me through the day. Plenty to do in the kitchen though to take my minds off things.

My idea for a separate blog to run aside this to show the problems and tribulations of living with someone with a drink or other addiction problem seems to be popular. I`d like to try to keep this not too heavy but informative as I hope this is. If you have any ideas or fancy writing something for this, please email me jonmpollard@googlemail.com and I`ll see if I can get the ball rolling next week.

On another matter it seems that some people are experiencing difficulties leaving comments on here. I have changed a few settings that will hopefully sort this out. If some of you could comment a few words so I can check that would be most appreciated. You can comment any old rubbish if you like as I don’t have to publish on here. I know a couple of you tried last night to no avail, please try again or email your comments direct.



Anyway, must go, I have a rather large piece of beef to contend with.

AD3

HELLO

Short post today as not much has happened, which I suppose is a good thing.
Woke up wobbly again after a better night’s sleep. Light headed and ever so slightly unsteady on my feet. Pronounced shakes still for the best part of the day, takes a lot of concentration to do stuff involving sharp hot or pointy objects. Against my better judgement I managed to get the lawn cut and still be in possession of all my toes.

Visit from the nurse this afternoon, she seemed happy with my progress so far, and confident for the rest of the detox. Come 5 oclock most days I will confess I still crave a drink, something that will probably never leave me, so looking at changes in routine to take this trigger point away. This is where the couch to 5k idea could help so much, also switching dog walking times and even just popping out with my camera. 

Been baking again today, Treacle and Ginger cake, only about 10000000 calories a portion but by crikey its tasty. Also made a load of bread rolls, ready for the family at the weekend. Lovely fresh bread to soak up all the juices from the 12 hour slow cooked Brisket we will be enjoying along with all the cakes. That reminds me, must dry rub my meat tonight. *Sniggers* This will be the first large social event we have attended where I will be totally dry. Luckily we are at home and everyone else will also be dry so everything should be ok. If the anxiety levels creep up too high I can escape for a while to regroup.

That’s about it for today, one thought I have been having is running another blog alongside this one so others can share their experiences. Maybe get some input from people who live or have lived with someone with a drink problem, get some perspective from the other side. If it can all be kept with a view to help and inform then I think it could become a useful tool.

What do you think?

More Tomorrow.

AD2

HELLO

Fair night’s sleep last night, bit of a lie as feeling a bit groggy. Today I found out two of the best things being dry for a couple of days:

1)First wee of the morning is much more aromatic
2)Solid stools

Unlike yesterday I awoke absolutely hangover free this morning, which is nice. Also completely off my box on lithium which is also nice. Every cloud etc. This is caused by the cumulative effect of the meds as they build up daily in my body. Took a few hours to motivate myself because of the fuzzy head, but as the dosage gradually reduces through the week this should improve. Managed a quick trip to the shops under Sarah`s supervision then home for my visit. Councillor seems very happy with my progress, pleased that we are managing to get out and about a little and also with my general mood.

To fight my rapid lethargy/ hyper swings I decided baking was once again the answer. We have family coming round at the weekend so stocking up on cakes today. Another lemon drizzle as the last one wasn’t brilliant and a chocolate marble cake prepared. Tomorrow it’s a treacle and ginger cake and loads of bread rolls for the pulled beef we will be preparing. For the cake I had to make stem ginger so the house now smells amazing. Still finding it hard to settle but at least I`ve stopped baking today.

As some of you know I played a large part in the setting up of Beerhouse, an incredibly successful micropub in Market Harborough. Nearly two years in and it’s the best venue for real and craft ales for miles.

The idea started on regular meetings with my friend Ivan, talking about how we could do so much better than all the pubs in Harborough, from a real ale point of view. After much deliberation and cogitation suitable premises were located and the ball was in motion.  I ran the very successful social media campaign for the launch, designed the layout of the pub, designed logos and slogans and engineered a buzz in the local media. Launched in December 2014 the place was an immediate success. 12 ever changing cask beers, several craft kegs and a huge bottle range taking the town by storm.

Beerhouse has gone from strength to strength but unfortunately has been a part of my downfall. After a long tough decision making process I decided that the two of us could no longer co-exist. Early March I decided that I could no longer maintain my position there and after a long talk with MD Ivan decided I should resign. This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, but I know it was the right one. I am still extremely proud that I took the pub to the very successful place it is now, and to still be a shareholder. I hope you lot look after my baby for me!

Apparently tomorrow I can expect the worst of my shakes and also some extreme sweating. I`ll lt you know how this goes

AD 1

HELLO

Took my last daily meds about 10.30 last night and into bed about 11.30 ish. Terrible night’s sleep, waking a lot and very unsettled. Got a few hours early morning and woke at 8.00 with the most monumental hangover, which seems a bit unfair. It would seem that this is a common effect on the first few days of taking Librium. Soon cleared up though, right as rain by mid-morning. Lounged around for an hour or two then off up into town for the group. Not a brilliant turnout this week, two of us and three councillors. It varies from 0 to 7 or 8 weekly. This week we discussed Cost Benefit Analysis. Measuring the Advantages and disadvantages of using vs not using. It was an interesting exercise. We use this simple chart

I`d rather not completely show what was written at the group, some was personal to those present, but you should get the idea from the few I`ve added. It’s an interesting exercise to complete for your preferred drug, if you have one. We filled in as many examples in each quarter as possible, then decided whether these were short or long term things. A good tool to help justify just how much better you are without your preferred substance

Facebook.

As I mentioned last night I am receiving a huge amount of support over on Facebook. I was very worried that when I started this project that it would be hijacked by the Facebook “U ok Hun” brigade, or even worse the “Pull yourself together man and get on with it” crew, or worse still, the “you think you`ve got problems do you?” lot. This was never meant for pity, more about a vent for myself and hopefully a place to start a little discussion about understanding addiction. So far this is exactly what is happening. It`s proving to be a great help to myself and if it has even the slightest effect on others then all the better. At first I found my addiction so hard to discuss with anyone, but since starting this and getting my cards firmly on the table verbal communication has been made a lot more comfortable. Here are one or two screenshots from some of the conversations, just in case you aren’t a Facebooker. 

Beerhouse.

Tomorrow I`ll tell the story of Beerhouse, a huge part of my life for a while and the reasoning behind the incredibly difficult decision to leave my job there. I`ve been meaning to write about this for quite a while, but as usual have been putting it off. 

D-DAY

HELLO

D-Day has arrived. Last night I had a few of my all-time favourite tipples finishing on the king of beers, Jaipur from the wonderful Thornbridge brewery. I wasn’t sure about how to handle my last night, there was always a danger that going down this route would elevate my favourites on to a pedestal, make me remember the good side of drinking but I decided I`m going to be confronted by these almost wherever I go so I have to be able to deal with it. 
Went to bed fairly early and hardly slept, apprehension and anxiety running through my mind. Up at eight and first six tablets down me. Six more at lunchtime, six shortly at teatime then six more to go before bed. My first time to bed completely dry in god knows how many years. 
At the moment, around 18.00, I would normally be well into my drinking routine, so far no major physical craving so the meds seem to be doing their job. My visit from the nurse was very encouraging, outlining what to expect for the rest of the week and starting to discuss future meds for support after the detox.

SUPPORT

As I mentioned earlier a few friends are doing various detoxes for the week as a mark of support for me and also to test themselves. We have been joined by a couple more now so I`ll speak to them all and probably do a bit of a thing about it later in the week. Should be an interesting read I think.
Tomorrow I`ll mention how the group goes, and maybe touch on how Facebook is helping. I`ll put up a few of the conversations that some of the blog posts have started. 

DIVERSIONS

Today, to take my mind off things I decide to rekindle my love of breadmaking and baking. Two wholemeal loaves, a banana and walnut cake and a Lemon drizzle. The smell in the kitchen was wonderful, then I remembered Sarah is on a cake and sweet detox to support me so I have to now hide the cake…luckily she is as usual very understanding. I will carry on baking, maybe make my own frozen cake and bread mountain as I found it a good diversion today. Weighing, measuring and kneading are very therapeutic.
I’ve been having discussions on Facebook and elsewhere about diversion ideas. So far I have agreed to try Couch to 5k with a couple of friends. I can’t remember the last time I ran but I`m a very keen walker so we`ll see how this progresses. I’ve also joined a Facebook poetry group with a great friend, so look out, there may well be odes coming your way. In the meantime, here`s something written for me by one of my online friends, Jo Cameron.

It's a friend in celebration

It's a friend in desperation

It's a friend when the lights go down

It's a friend when you're about the town

It's a friend when you know no other

It's a friend when you take a lover

It's a friend when your heart is numb

It's a friend when your day is done

It's a friend when all seems lost

It's a friend..but with its cost

It's a friend when you care too much

It's a friend when you've had enough...

...but it's not your friend...

...not really...no way...

It's a devilish mask

For what we hide away

For all the pain we feel

For all the things we miss

For all the missed opportunities

For the lives we've lived

For all the doubt we've felt

For the opportunities lost

For the wasted moments

That have come at their cost

So is it your friend people?

Or is it your foe?

Alcohol...just know this...

...you won't be my woe.

I could murder a pint right now but I tell you one thing, I`m going to beat this.