AD7

HELLO

Usual start to the morning, slight hangover, shakes and a fuzzy head. Sleep seems to be improving greatly as the days go on though. Visit from the nurse today, very happy with my progress and also impressed with what I have been writing here. Positive mental attitude goes a long way. Had a brief chat about my flying visit to Beerhouse and we are both in full agreement that it wasn't the brightest of ideas and I must keep away from such establishments and surroundings for quite a while yet.

Yesterday I briefly remarked on some comments I have been receiving via this blog and on Facebook. I would like to have a look at a few of these today. Not the bad ones, they have been conscribed to the scrap heap but ones that show the view of addiction through the eyes of others. I`d like to make this a regularish thing here, hopefully get some views from people who have lived with addicts as well as addicts and former addicts themselves.

First this from Gail Bellingham on Facebook. An interesting but challenging read as it tackles the problems from both sides and shows there doesn’t have to be a drug involved for addiction to take hold. 

"Hi Jon 
I know you are looking for input on your blog about living with an addict or how addiction affects people around. My input may be too extreme, I'll let you decide if you want to use it.So I lived with an addict for 6 years. Drug addiction that is, although alcohol was used and depended on as a come down . First two years I had no idea he was using. Addicts are very manipulative and hide things well. I too, am a recovering addict, self harm via bulimia was my drug of choice, so I know how well we hide it and justify it to others! How did his addiction affect me? I can think of many ways ....Driving home after 10 hours at work and a 145 mile round commute to find myself locked out whilst he binged in his solitude ....Keeping an overnight bag in my boot and sleeping on the A6 in my car because I was too ashamed to admit it to anyone Getting to work an hour before anyone else so I could wash In the loo and make myself presentable so no one knew I had slept in my car ....Making excuses over and over for not attending family parties or friends’ houses Watching the devastation in my family when they found out I had hidden it all from them Watching someone you adore destroy themselves Breaking in to your home to resuscitate the man you live from OD Try to take theirs hurt away to stop them doing it again and realising you have no control ....Listening to promises you know they are not well enough to keep even though they mean them with all of their heart !!The spiral of addiction is shocking . I have recently lost my niece at 28 to alcoholism. Again, binging in solitude after 4 weeks sober to be found in a hotel room dead and alone ... That is heartbreaking. Her sisters, her parents, her friends, her grandparents grieving her loss and not comprehending how and why?? I know it's downbeat but it's the harsh reality of addiction. I really do think your blog is brilliant and I cannot express in words how much I want you to overcome this"  

This from “Karen” on the blog.

"Morning Jon, Karen sitting here on night shift reading blog, Well done so far but I have to agree about going to beerhouse way too soon, it is with regret I tell you to stay away as far & as much as poss !!!!this is coming from a very dry & happy alcoholic !!! I dropped most of my friends, visits to pubs/ bars/partied etc in order to achieve this ( got it all back tho ) with patience and dignity . I gained my strength daily in using these tools, I keep s tool bag in my shed ( head) and pull them out when I need to eg : social occasions , I told everyone I was recovering and to please be respectful of my wishes not to drink alcohol !!! My life !!! My rules !!! There's no need for you to have pressure put on . Your rules Jon only your rules !!!!! Stick with it mate your doing good , if it has to be moment by moment so be it it will get wider the gap , hrs by hrs ect , I know exactly where your coming from. Keep going and when the going gets tough !!! Bake lol by the way you will probably succumb to the sweet tooth this is you replacing the sugar you are losing from alcohol ( as you already know) . Thinking of you often 

Kindred Karen"

This, from my sister-in-law who decided to do a week’s detox herself as a mark of support.

"With you and Sarah all the way! Have been thinking about next week and my own detox. I only have 2 late shifts at work to keep me safe so am anticipating it to be more difficult than I thought! But in it with you although quite scary the more i think about it! Also been seeing some clients / patients at work who have had alcohol issues in their lives - what can i say except i am so glad you have chosen this path for yourself and families. Much love"

This from anon on the blog. Quite hard hitting, but also inspiring hope.

"Hi Jon.I have recently gone through an inpatient detox, my cousin came to visit me and she was shocked with the state I was in, my mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer that I couldn't deal with, I went from the alcoholic who had a skin full after work for a year or two to an alcoholic that couldn't get up off the sofa, had yellow eyes and felt so depressed my body hurt, she was really concerned for me. She tried to get me in to see my doctor to no avail, she called NHS 111 to ask for there advice to no avail, she ended up calling a local charity that I had registered with some months before that deals with addiction, they advised her to call 999 as they thought from the symptoms she gave them my body was failing. I was taken into hospital where tests were done and they found I had major issues with my liver, I explained to them about my addiction and they put me on a ward to do the week long supervised detox, this was the hardest thing I've ever done, not because of the addiction, but due to the fact that my mum was seriously ill and I couldn't see her.The tablets they gave me helped no end and made the detox quite easy, either that or my mind telling me I've got to sort myself out to be strong for my mum, I kept telling myself I couldn't/wouldn't see her while I was drunk and no way in this world would I turn up to her funeral in a drunken state, I was also put on drip to help re-hydrate my body. After being in hospital for a week I felt better in myself than I had in years, family members commented how good I looked and couldn't believe the difference. I stayed in the hospital with my mum until she died on the 10th June, I had all the support from my family and friends, I told work what I was going through and what I was doing to get sorted out and they have also been very supportive which helped no end, there support is still happening to this day and will continue until i'm fully recovered. I'm now 5 weeks dry, still on tablets to stop the cravings and don't feel like/want a drink at all. I've not used a support group as yet as my family are really close and are there for me 24 hours a day should I need them, I've also taken up fishing again (Not been for over 15 years) which I've found has helped me relax and get my head together. I'm not going back to being the person I was and if you go with that attitude you will be fine, its not going to be an easy ride but taking the 1st step that you have taken is awesome and I can only praise you for taking this step.

Be strong, be positive, be proud."

This comes from an incredibly unexpected source on facebook:

"Evening Jon. Been reading your recent blogs and have found them very interesting. You're doing really well, especially today. I doth my cap to you sir! I myself used to be an addict, but of cocaine. It never got in the way of work, but ruined my relationship at the time, and stressed my relationship with my mum, sister and nephews But here I stand, on the other side now. I have a loving wife, and a lovely house (which you, Sarah and Tess should visit some time) and drugs do not play a part in my life anymore. I'm having a 'first' for me next week. I'm, going to an old school 'rave' on Saturday. It will be my first since I stopped doing drugs 9 years ago. It will be strange, but I know I will be OK. I have far too much to lose now. Anyway, just wanted to say 'good job' and give you some encouragement."

 Finally for now, from Stephanie on Facebook

"Hey you. Please know that alcohol plays cheap tricks; it didn't give you balls, you are showing you already have them. You have a strong spirit and a big heart, they have always been yours. My dad was and still is an alcoholic; we've been through the violence, the denial, the apologies, the liver failure, the expensive and life saving treatment, the relapse and the stroke. But he is still in the pub and always will be. He is 61 but looks much, much older. He has lived his life saying he was living fast and would die young; until that day came and all that was left was a small, scared man, no different to anyone else. Life likes to replicate itself; at 19 I married a family friend much older than myself who was also an alcoholic. But it was safe - I knew what to expect, knew how life would be. Who knew that I would one day see I was a bit more than that but he didn't want to be. By the age of 40 he was living on benefits after having a very good job, with his elderly parents driving a 70 mile round trip to make sure he had food and was clean. He died of heart failure before his 50th birthday, discovered by his mum who had a massive heart attack and almost died herself. Life is hard, it's tragic, it's magic, it is worthwhile, no matter what. Be strong, prepare to win, prepare to fight, prepare to fail, and try again if needs must. Be you Jon, whomever you need that to be, one day at a time. Big love."

If any of you have any experience of living with an addict and would like to share that would be most welcome.
Hope I haven't overloaded you today, but I feel some comments are well worth sharing, they can give so many different ideas as to what addiction involves, and it doesn't need to be drugs, alcohol or nicotine to take a stranglehold. 


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the comments box on some of the entries on this site. If you wish to comment you can either pause your adblocker, or email your comments to jonmpolllard@googlemail.com and I`ll add them for you. Jon.