PANIC.

This morning I had a panic attack.

I get them every now again but this one was different. Knocked me for six. Took me out of action for a whole day. Started as they normally do, racing pulse, disorientation, tunnel vision and a general feeling of “unwell” but lasted all day.

All day.

It’s part of my depression.

Depression is a terrible disease. Misunderstood by so many. My depression manifests itself in many ways. Chronic tiredness, inability to cope with the simplest everyday situations and decisions, terrible mood swings from dark doom laden periods to delirious manic days, crazy OCD behaviour, panic attacks, anxiety and so much more.

Most sufferers, like myself, find it so hard to discuss their illness with friends, family or, indeed, their medical practitioner for fear of lack of understanding.  This is why I fucking hate the disease, it creeps up on you unawares then destroys you from the inside. Not sure what’s happening to you it eats away at every fibre in your being, grinds you into the dirt then pisses on you to finish you off.

At this point I should wrap up with a little witty one liner or tidy ending, maybe a suggestion or two of how to deal with depression or help a friend who suffers…. Got nothing. Nada. Zip. Fuck all.

Sorry. It`s been a bad day.

A tale of Twitter, books and a bear.

Hello. I would like, if I may, to tell you a little story.
It starts on twitter and involves books, a bear and a happy ending.

When I first sold my soul to twitter I started following a man called Greg Stekelman aka @themanwhofell. He told extraordinary tales with pictures in single tweets. He doesnt do twitter any more but I really hope he will eventually return.

One day I learned that a man in a book shop in a place called Wood Green was publishing a very limited edition book featuring the work of @themanwhofell, "London Tales" I new I had to have one. I followed the book shop on twitter (@biggreenbooks) and thought they seemed like a nice bunch so I decided to travel to London to collect the book and say hello. Turns out Simon and Tim are lovely blokes and the book was a masterpiece.

Somehow, whilst following the bookshop and the man I started following @bear_faced_lady and got to talking about stuff. We both suffer from depression and Tara, as that is her name, was a great help for me through a lot of my lowest times. 

She`s lovely. See.

A while ago Tara met a bloke called Ben. They fell in love without realising it then got married. They don't have a lot of money so a honeymoon was out of the question. They didn`t care. They had each other.

Simon at the bookshop had an idea. As Tara and Ben were such lovely folk he thought he would surprise them with a honeymoon! He chatted with Tara`s best friend Steff (@princessofVP) and she set up a paypal account for all their friends to chip in a couple of quid to help.

Once the money had added up a little they decided to stage a mock "tweetup" in the bookshop to hand over the money. £500 at this point but still climbing.

I had to go!

Anyway. Here's Tara(on the left) and Ben just after they were given their surprise. I was crying and smiling like a gurning idiot at this point.

It was an amazing day. So...if you are one of those people who moans about twitter being stupid and full of horrible people you are obviously doing it wrong.