This morning I had a panic attack.
I get them every now again but this one was different.
Knocked me for six. Took me out of action for a whole day. Started as they
normally do, racing pulse, disorientation, tunnel vision and a general feeling
of “unwell” but lasted all day.
All day.
It’s part of my depression.
Depression is a terrible disease. Misunderstood by so
many. My depression manifests itself in many ways. Chronic tiredness, inability
to cope with the simplest everyday situations and decisions, terrible mood
swings from dark doom laden periods to delirious manic days, crazy OCD behaviour,
panic attacks, anxiety and so much more.
Most sufferers, like myself, find it so hard to discuss
their illness with friends, family or, indeed, their medical practitioner for
fear of lack of understanding. This is
why I fucking hate the disease, it creeps up on you unawares then destroys you
from the inside. Not sure what’s happening to you it eats away at every fibre
in your being, grinds you into the dirt then pisses on you to finish you off.
At this point I should wrap up with a little witty one
liner or tidy ending, maybe a suggestion or two of how to deal with depression
or help a friend who suffers…. Got nothing. Nada. Zip. Fuck all.
Sorry. It`s been a bad day.
